The Wrong Trousers

As soon as I picked them up, I knew they were the wrong trousers, but my imagination already had hold of the vision and swept into fantasy mode.  It's me wearing these cool white trousers, looking pristine and summery; the sun is shining, there are tweety birds and my hair is all swooshy too (that's how I know it's a fantasy) there's a fuzzy glow that you get in those dream sequences where everything looks great.

(of course that picture isn't me ha ha ha ha!)


Suddenly my brain says (in a Monty Python way) 'STOP THAT!'  - Of course I can't own these trousers - they are WHITE.

I am a Olympic Gold standard clumsy clutz, wearing white trousers would just simply be too tempting for the Goddess of Stains and Splashes who visits my life daily.  I can see her planning her mishap of beetroot right now.

I will brush past my dirty car, drop some food in my lap, have the cat jump on my knees with dirty paws and that's before I have Leia's sticky hands  ..................

I DO like them; how can I wear these lovely white trousers, while at the same time keeping them as far away from me as possible?

Before I knew what I'd done I'd paid for the trousers and was walking away with them in a bag.  I am determined to be one of those women who can wear white trousers.  Well I'll give it a go anyway.

So I can wear them, but not go anywhere, sit, eat, drink, be near anyone or do anything.  Or I can just carry on being my clumsy self and have the industrial strength bleach on stand by.

So - Bets are on for the time it takes to mark/blemish/stain/smudge (including minus times - there is a possibility they could get dirty before I actually put them on)

Incredible Powers

Last Friday night me and my boyfriend were watching X-Men Origins -Wolverine and it prompted a discussion on the incredible ‘super’ powers and what powers would be great to have.

So, after the usual discussions of the X-Men characters; the one that is super-fast, the one who has laser eyes, Magneto (yay! I remembered one of their names) and the one Sir Patrick Stewart plays (Oh – interesting fact: Sir Patrick is from West Yorkshire, like me, you can tell with his accent ha ha ha ha)

Being able to turn invisible at a moment’s notice sounds kinda cool, as does being able to fly.   With both of these being totally out of reach, I began wondering what I could do to lower my sights somewhat.

So here’s a list of ‘powers’ I would like to acquire – these belong to someone who’s super power is being Un-Clumsy:

•  The ability to concentrate on doing one thing at once (Multi-tasking is excellent, but the more balls that are thrown at the juggler, the more are dropped)

•  The ability to have time to complete all one’s daily tasks comfortably, from start to finish uninterrupted.

• Having crockery that is un-chipped

• Having glassware that matches (rather than looking like a bric-a-brac shelf in a Charity shop)

• The ability to look where you are going (thus avoiding walking into things and getting terrible bruises in fantastic colours.  Who said purple doesn’t go with green? Although having adamantium coated bones would help!)

• Having a stain free carpet (maybe this Super Power involves owning a Vax?)

• The ability to consistently speak coherent sentences (rather than randomly blurting out words and leaving the recipient to put the words into an understandable sentence)

•  The ability to make sharp, speedy decisions (rather than deliberate on doing the washing up or put a dark load in to wash)

• Have a good memory, to not have to write ‘To-Do’ lists …… (has anyone ever written something they have already done on their to-do list, just so they can strike it off with a flourish and feel a little smug?)

So, the ‘Un-Clumsy’ super powers still seem out of reach for me, but you never know; one day, when disaster strikes and the only things that will save us are; two chipped bowls, a half done ‘to-do’ list and a schnapps stained carpet – give me a call - I’m your super hero!!

What do I want for Christmas ...?

Its 15 days 'till Christmas Day and my other half and I were talking about what we wanted for Christmas.

I'm a very lucky lady because my OH has very similar thinking to me.  Neither of us are materialistic and 'stuff' just doesn't matter too much.

We have a 15 month old who would love playing with boxes and wrapping paper more than anything, and we're not yet receiving lists as long as your arm, nor are we getting 'Want that' with every toy TV Advert.  However it won't be long.

However while I'm on that subject it appears the majority of TV Adverts show us that if we *love* our partners/spouses/kids/family.  At Christmas we need to spend lots of money showing them we do.  Sitting on the new sofa to watch the new TV together, the new dining room table for the family meal, the new coordinating winter wardrobes, buying excessive food and that's even before the presents are bought.  I suppose if you're lucky and able to afford all this - great.  But I, like many Mums can not.  It does not mean I don't love those nearest to me, it means I refuse to get into debt for just 1 day in the year.

So ........ while I won't confess where my purchases were made or how much they cost, it wouldn't be fair to the recipients.  What I will say is that I stuck to a budget.  I also hope, that although the gifts are not expensive, the recipients know are from the heart.

My boyfriend asked me what I wanted for Christmas (which I think he then regretted after I launched into Mariah Carey's 'All I want for Christmas') I said what I'd really like are some nutty soft biscuits that I loved from a previous holiday in Germany - Nuss Eke.  He found a recipe online and made a pre-Christmas batch to see if it was the same kind.  They were better - simply delicious!  Clever man.  This to me, means more than any other gift - its from the heart.

That Moment When ......................

We've all had them, the 'Sod's Law' moments - the mini disasters that strike just  at the most inconvenient moment.  You know the ones - when you're in a hurry, every light is a red one, you drop your toast and it falls butter-side down.

"Ooopsie" is the acceptable comment (in front of my little one), although in my head its a mite stronger.  I think 'Alternative Words to Swearing' will be another blog ..........

While I accept it's not the end of the world when these things happen, I am able to keep them in perspective - I haven't reached the Basil Fawlty beating-the-car-with-a-branch-and-shouting-at-it stage.

Some are annoying, embarrassing or hilarious - depending on many factors.  Some have that ohnosecond where you can see what is going to happen and can not prevent it.

I'm collating some of my recent That Moment When's ............

• You sneeze just after you've finished putting your mascara on.
• You throw your handbag on the passenger seat when getting in your car and when you retrieve it, the strap wraps itself round the gear stick - if you'd attempted to do this intentionally, it would take years.
• You struggle opening a sealed bag of food, it rips and the entire contents of the bag falls on the floor.
• You're coming downstairs (carrying your baby) first thing in the morning, and step in cat sick.
• You drop fresh, clean washing on the way to the washing line - in the only part of the garden where it can get dirtier than it was before it went in the washing machine.
• You press 'Send' on a text and realise you're sending it to the wrong person.
• You bump into someone you know in the supermarket and are unable to introduce them to your partner because you can't remember their name.
• You take stuff out of your chest freezer and put them on the side - to enable you to burrow to the depths to get what you're after - much later during the day spotting the now defrosted items still sitting on the side.
• You realise you've spent the morning with your jeans flies down.
• Your baby has finished breast feeding and is looking round at the other shoppers - your little pink nip is still poking out in the fresh air.
• You load your baby (after drying the seat - it's raining) and shopping bags into the trolly outside the supermarket and after the first little push you realise its the one that has a locked castor/wheel.
• You try to open your front door with your push-button smart car key.
• You try to open a screw top bottle of wine with a corkscrew (this one wasn't me).
• You close an important document on your computer and when the computer prompts to save you accidentally click on 'No'.
• You find the birthday card in your glove compartment you thought you mailed to your friend last month.

The Original Sweet Tree Co.

 My friend is so talented, it's difficult to choose which is my favourite - great for a gift or occasion :)

Love these sweet trees!  Check out the Gallery

STTN

For those of you who have or have had babies and toddlers, you will know that this means Sleep Through The Night.

I have a 1 year old and for the last 12 months kind people have regularly asked me "Does she sleep through the night?" its a standard question, same as when you are in a Taxi, you ask the driver how long has he been on shift, when does it end and has he been busy.

The dark circles under my eyes are not enough of an answer for kind people.

No, she doesn't sleep through the night, I think once or maybe twice she only woke once, but I now wonder if that's my sleep deprived brain playing tricks on me.

I exaggerate of course - some nights I get plenty of sleep, its just that its in 3-4 hour chunks.  In the early days it felt like she woke every 20 mins.

I meet many mums and my heart sinks when the conversation (as it always does) comes round to STTN.  There's always one mum who's baby has slept 12 hours straight since coming home from the hospital, but the majority of mums tell me their baby now sleeps through, sometimes I meet another mum who, like me doesn't have a STTNighter we exchange a ghost of a smile.  It will get better.

I won't do sleep training (CIO), so I will continue with my YSL Touche Eclat.

Until recently my LO fought sleep like it was some ferocious enemy, she'd be a gold medal winner if Fighting Sleep was an Olympic event.  A [Jedi] knight fighting tiredness with a light sabre.

How many times has the thought "Just. Go. To. Sleep" gone round my head, while bouncing, rocking, singing, soothing my wriggly wide eyed baby.

One night we started our 'routine' at 6.30pm - eventually she went to sleep 4 hours later.  Closely followed by me.

Sometimes after bouncing, rocking, singing etc. I'd get her to that point where her eyes flutter closed and she starts breathing deeper - then someone will knock at the door or ring the bell, someone will shout upstairs for me, the phone will ring: *bing* she's awake.  (I must apologise to friends and family at this stage for my grumpiness following an event such as this, as its usually their unknowing interruptions that have foiled my sleep plan)

I think my LO just doesn't want to miss a thing - she's too busy soaking it all up to close her eyes and drift off.

Of course this seems like I'm whining, I'm not, its supposed to be a humorous, tongue-in-cheek observation.  I know I am so lucky to be blessed with the gift of a child.

Animal Cruelty pics on FB

Is anyone else disgusted by the outbreak of animal cruelty pics on FB?

I see that they are being circulated with captions that we need to identify and punish those involved.

A little research led me to this site:

http://wafflesatnoon.com/2011/10/04/investigating-the-hanging-puppy-photo/

(* warning the website link shows the picture*)

Which has confirmed my thoughts about how old these pictures are and if they are indeed genuine.

Can I assume that the majority of folk are like me - anti-cruelty and upset by these images?

What does everyone else do?

Share the pic, scroll past it, ignore it?

Is there anything positive coming out of sharing images like this?